The longest relationship is "mutual debt".
You cast it with a peach, and I return it with Qiongyao, so that the feelings can be more mellow.
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between people, it is a kind of two-way interactive emotional communication.
in emotional life, if you distinguish everything too clearly, like a lake without ripples, it will only gradually become a pool of stagnant water.
as Carnegie, the father of adult education, said: "if you want to have a long and deep friendship, you have to learn to 'owe' people, because it gives people a sense of importance and participation."
when you are in a relationship, don't choose to carry it when you need help, and don't have scruples when you give help.
because debt is a sincere interaction.
the relationship between people is gradually deepened in the repeated "indebtedness".
every relationship owes something
as the saying goes, if there is companionship, there must be debt.
indebted to each other is another form of mutual concern for a good relationship.
A relationship is not a transaction, and there is no need to rush to pay it back like a task.
sometimes, calmly accepting what others really give is the greatest response to each other.
because in every relationship, there is a debt.
in the series "the true colors of an expert", I interviewed a couple.
her husband, Yuan Jin, is the head coach of a long-distance relay race. He is busy training team members every day, and all the trivialities of family life fall on his wife Miho.
in her life, she takes care of the diet and daily life of the family;
at work, she cheers for her husband's team members and is her husband's best assistant.
thanks to the proper care of Miho, her husband, Yuan Jin, can devote himself to his work, trained many well-known teams, and achieved excellent results in various competitions.
in the eyes of outsiders, husband Hara Jin owes his wife Miho too much.
but just like
what the Kuwaiti woman writer Munir Nasuf said:
"the most valuable things in husband and wife's life are sincerity, trust and thoughtfulness.
emotion is something that cannot be quantified, and the efforts of two people cannot be equal, there will always be more and less.
if you deliberately care about your own efforts, you will only let each other get deeper and deeper in the entanglement, while ignoring the beauty of life.
regardless of gains and losses, treat each other with a cherished and caring state of mind, the relationship can be stable and long-term.
intimate relationships are all owed
We often hear old people say, "Don't owe anyone anything."
but the older you get, the more you find that the truth that "others treat you well, you want ten" does not apply to all relationships.
excessive sense of size will only lead to an insurmountable emotional distance between each other.
as Cang Yang Gyatso said, "it is best not to accompany each other, then you can not owe each other."
everyone has an instinct for dependence, and an intimate relationship with each other is the best way for us to absorb warm love.
in the novel four Springs, Lu Yunkun and Li Guixian are a couple.
in the age of material scarcity, Li Guixian listened to others and bought more than 100 rabbits on loan, waiting for that man to come and recycle rabbit hair at a high price.
Li Guixian has a good plan in mind: he can not only work from home, but also earn money to subsidize his family.
in order to feed the rabbit, Li Guixian got up early in the morning and stayed up late, so tired that he even had little time to sleep.
however, no one has heard from anyone who promised to recycle rabbit hair at a high price.
after realizing that he had been cheated, Li Guixian collapsed and burst into tears.
she felt that she not only spent all her savings, but more importantly, she owed her husband Lu Yunkun's trust and support.
however, Lu Yunkun did not blame his wife for her "recklessness".
the two revealed that they both felt that they did not pay as much as the other, and that they owed something.
after this incident, the couple saw each other's sincerity, and the relationship became closer.
debt is like the glue in an intimate relationship.
it is not the same as taking and greed, but both parties feel each other's needs and self-worth in the process of giving.
I have heard a description that two people together are like two half-full bottles of water.
pour water into each other, so that the running water will not stop.
if you just pour water from one bottle to another without replenishing each other, one day, one bottle will be emptied.
as described in the Franklin effect: if you want someone to like you, let him do little things for you.
when two people get along, the process of support and support is the foundation of emotional warming.
learn to owe correctly
writer Wu Zhihong said: "Don't be afraid to trouble others. If you don't trouble each other, there is no way to build a relationship."
you cast it with peaches, and I return it with Qiongyao, so that your feelings can be more mellow.
this kind of emotional interaction is also the constant running-in of two hearts.
strong feelings, never hit it off, but in the long years, warm each other, help each other.
May you and I both learn to owe correctly and live a better life with the people around us.
Uncle recommends three tips:
have a sense of interaction
"the deterioration of all relationships begins with 'one side does its best and one side is unmoved'."
A sentence I saw on the Internet is a good description of the process of a relationship from intimacy to breakdown.
having a sense of interaction is the cornerstone of relationship preservation.
Dean and Anna, the leading actors in the movie easy and Free, are college classmates.
after graduation, the two live in the same apartment.
Anna has a secret affection for Dean during her long-term relationship, and she wants to help Dean in every way she can.
but Dean didn't realize it and took it for granted.
slowly, Anna lost confidence and got together with another colleague with whom she interacted frequently.
later, she said to Dean:
"actually, we could have been together, but you never took the initiative.
without interactive awareness, it is difficult to go on for a long time.
when each other's needs can be seen, it is the beginning of emotional placement.
create deep links
put down your guard, and the distance between them seems to be close at once.
shared a story, she said:
"people often ask me, will love gradually decrease as the years of marriage grow?
as far as my personal experience is concerned, if we get along with our partners attentively, there will be more and more.
for example, in my 20-year marriage, we 'take' and give to each other, establishing a deep emotional link. "
there is also a saying in psychology: the relationship between people has three basic levels, role relationship, emotional relationship and deep link.
people who are deeply connected can go into each other's hearts and experience each other's emotions.
through emotional interaction, produce spiritual resonance, to achieve psychological recognition.
this is also the most important feature of continuous harmony in all relationships.
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master boundaries and scales
writer Annie Baby said: "A good relationship is to be with each other, but not to bind or entangle each other. Two people stand side by side to watch the flowers bloom and fall in the world."
there is a ruler in everything, but it is better to go too far.
No matter how close the relationship is, it cannot be unfettered and can be better perfected with a specific target.
in the movie Twelve Nights, Ginny and Alan meet and know each other.
the two fell in love and soon got together.
Ginny is very attached to her boyfriend. At first, Alan was very tolerant to her and would accompany her when she had time.
but gradually, Ginny lost her balance.
when Alan went out to the party, she called to track it. Because Alan failed to reply in time for the meeting, she felt deliberately alienated.
the loss of a sense of proportion left Alan at a loss as to what to do, and eventually the two chose to separate.
feelings with no boundaries and no breathing space, it is easy to get bored with love.
in a relationship, being willing to give each other independent time, keeping a distance and relying on each other is the healthiest intimate relationship.
everyone is an incomplete half circle, looking for the other half in the world.
it is a kind of luck and wisdom to get along with each other when you turn around in your life and meet your soul mate.
when we meet, we interact sincerely; when we meet, we connect deeply; after we get to know each other, we master the yardstick and move towards psychological recognition.
No matter how far the road ahead, with more understanding, there will be more calm, a little more giving, and feelings can be heated and warmed up.
the process of getting along is like two people running an orchard together, planting seedlings together and waiting for the harvest together.
learn to give sincerely, learn to accept calmly, and cherish and support each other in the two-way journey between you and me.
nothing in love is more moving than this accommodation and affection.
, share with you.
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