No matter how good a relationship is, it will be defeated by these three things.
When people reach middle age, the farther they go, the more they lose.
in the Best Bad friend, there is a particularly piercing song: why can't an old bosom friend become an old friend in the end? The stranger in the coming year is yesterday's dearest so-and-so.
as I get older, I gradually find that there are fewer and fewer people around me, and friends who used to be close to each other will go their separate ways because of a small matter.
it took half a lifetime to understand that it is never money that defeats a relationship, but the details that accompany each other.
between people, if you ignore these three hidden rules, no matter how good the relationship is, there will be a day when it comes to the end.
turn a deaf ear to others:
never speculate on others
Haruki Murakami once wrote a paragraph:
We basically live in an era of indifference, but we are surrounded by such a huge amount of other people's information that we can easily obtain as long as we want to do it.
but even so, we know nothing about others.
even if you don't know anything, some people often judge others easily because of gossip, even if they get along with each other day and night.
when I was in college many years ago, there was a girl in the department who dropped out after a year. Now I still feel bitter when I think about her.
just enrolled as a freshman, her dormitory has a harmonious relationship, and six people are inseparable all day.
according to a few words, someone in the dormitory where this girl lives lost 500 yuan because she often got up in the middle of the night to drink water and concluded that it had something to do with her.
later, someone claimed to be a girl's high school classmate, posted anonymously on the school forum, saying that the condition of the girl's family was not good, and she often did things secretly when she was in high school.
for a while, the people in the dormitory isolated her, and the classmates in the class stayed away from her, but no one had ever learned the truth from beginning to end.
even her best friend ran to make a mockery: "if you need money, you can borrow it from me. I can't believe you are such a person."
two months later, 500 yuan was found, but the person who lost the money forgot it in an old dress.
then everyone knew that the girl actually took medicine to treat her anxiety disorder when she got up in the middle of the night. Because of this, her condition became more and more serious and she had no choice but to drop out of school.
there is a line in "the birth of the Devil Child of Naha": the prejudice in people's heart is a mountain, no matter how hard you try.
destroys many people.
if someone had chosen to believe that girl and her friend stood firmly beside her, it might not have been the case. Unfortunately, there is no if in the world.
some people say that the reason why people have one mouth and two ears is that they hear twice as much as they say.
therefore, people with close relationships should turn a deaf ear to what is wrong with others, because trust between people is very rare.
there is an old Chinese saying: he who speaks right and wrong is not a human being.
most of the time, if you don't talk about others, you are also saving yourself.
sit still and often think about your own mistakes and gossip about others.
it is a person's highest self-cultivation not to say what is right and wrong, not to be right and wrong, and to be kind to people around him.
ignore others' shortcomings:
never easily underestimate others
someone in Zhihu asked, "what are the reasons that can accompany a person's life, and they are inexhaustible?"
one high praise replied: never think highly of yourself and never underestimate others.
but in the world, how many people can only see the shortcomings of others, but habitually ignore the shortcomings when looking at themselves.
Chen Huaihai, the owner of the tavern in the TV series Old Tavern, can be called a "model" as a businessman.
there is an old beggar who often goes to his pub for a drink.
every time he goes to buy two taels of wine, when there are many guests in the shop, he stands in the corner to drink.
if it is another pub, if you see such a beggar, you are usually not allowed to enter the store, or even drive him away.
but Chen Huaihai sincerely admired the old man. Not only did he not dislike him, but he also felt that he should learn from the old man how to behave himself.
Chen Huaihai told the man:
"he begged for food, but there was no shortage of money for a piece of wine. This is the virtue of wine; someone filled his jug with water, but he tasted it quietly. This is atmosphere; and these are the realm of being a man."
it is written in the Book of changes: a humble gentleman is humble and self-herding.
the old man is naturally a gentleman, and Chen Huaihai, who respects the elderly, is also a gentleman, because when he is in a high position, it is impossible for ordinary people not to bully the weak.
Mr. Yang Jiang has an excellent saying:
"No matter where you go up in your life, someone is looking up at you, and someone is looking down at you. You look up at yourself and are complacent. Only by looking down can you see who you really are.
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people live a lifetime, the situation changes, when going uphill, do not look down upon those who go downhill, and do not look down upon those at the bottom of the mountain when standing at the top of the mountain.
never focus on other people's shortcomings:
it is upbringing not to talk about height in front of short people, figure in front of fat people, skin color in front of dark-skinned people, and family in front of divorced parents.
never feel superior in front of the weak:
and the poorTalk without showing off money, communicate with lonely old people, don't show off children and grandchildren, communicate with sick people, don't say, "yours is not painful, mine is painful." this is spiritual practice.
there is such a popular saying on the Internet:
"I thought other people respected me because I was good. Slowly I understand that others respect me because they are excellent. "
to be a man and respect others is to respect yourself.
A truly excellent person does not think highly of himself, does not underestimate others, and treats all things in the world with humility.
Don't talk about human mistakes:
never judge others casually
is that people often have the illusion that they are used to taking what they think and see as the standard, so as to project it to others, thinking that the other person is the same.
but in fact, what you see is not necessarily all, often just the tip of the iceberg.
in the movie the Beautiful Legend of Sicily, the heroine Malena is recognized as the most beautiful woman in town.
gradually, her beauty was envied by women, and it was rumored that she seduced a married man, who rushed to beat her, tear her clothes and cut her hair.
even if they are not familiar with each other, people do not stop judging and attacking Malena, but regard her beauty as an unforgivable sin.
I have seen too many such people:
A friend's child was admitted to a good university, and the family posted a circle of friends to celebrate. Someone at the bottom said, "this school is not good. It belongs to the third class. My son goes to a famous university."
when you buy a new dress and wear it to work happily, someone comes and says, "you are too fat, don't wear this kind of dress again."
you accidentally made a small mistake and didn't hurt others, but some people talk about it for many years and even rise to your personality.
imposing your own subjective wishes and perceptions on others may be the quickest way to destroy a relationship.
those who have tattoos are not necessarily bad guys, girls who come home late are not unself-loving, the "facts" discussed by everyone are not necessarily the truth, and what you see is not what you think.
the mouth grows on your own, but the stories are other people's stories. Don't interfere in other people's lives, let alone destroy a person's life with words.
as Maugham said:
"is it a waste of yourself to do what you most want to do, to live in your favorite environment, to be indifferent and at peace with the rest of the world? On the contrary, is it successful to be a famous surgeon with an annual salary of 10,000 pounds and a beautiful wife?
I think it all depends on how a person views the meaning of life, on what obligations he thinks he should do to society and what demands he has on himself. "
Don't judge others, don't gossip about others, don't criticize easily, and live your own life well is the highest practice of being a man.
"turning a deaf ear to others, ignoring people's shortcomings, and speaking without talking about people's mistakes" is an awakening motto left by the ancients, and it is also a rule that must be kept in mind when getting along with others.
know how to feel the emotions of others, feel the pain of others, feel the happiness of others, you will also be happy.
what is the best state between people?
it may be as written in Zengguang Xianwen: meeting is like a first acquaintance, but there is no resentment in old age.
when people reach middle age, the farther they go, the more they lose.
I hope the friendship accompanied by us will never part.
I hope the bosom friend I seldom meet will never say goodbye.
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